It's so easy to let it overcome your ways when cynicism begins to take hold of you. It doesn't make you feel any better, but it sure as hell makes you feel like you're more in control.I'm disgusted by myself when I let it take over me.
It's not fair to the others around me, I'm sorry if I am ever to lash out at you with any guilt trip or indirect backhanded comment... It's not right to do.
I pride myself on being the best person I can be to the best of my abilities, and I can't do that if I'm not trying to catch myself in my wrongdoings or mistakes. The only way to improve is to find out the extent of your mistakes and try and tame them.
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I feel my self respect on a decline, I'm trying to hold on to my morals as I go forward. But I can't help but feel, due to the nature of the attitude of the people around me and their results, that my methods are those of a second place competitor.
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I don't want to come in second, I want to win it all. That's what makes it so tempting to give into these urges to be that asshole that gets what he wants. And how am I to know if the ends justify the means if I have yet to put forth the other foot, and take that low road.
I don't want to do it, but I don't want to keep on going through life as a second class citizen.
