Inexplicable

I'm so sad about what has just happened.

My best friend won't talk to me.

My recently reacquainted friend won't talk to me.

Time to move out.

I can't believe I said those things to you. I should never have said anything like that in my entire life. I am infinitely sorrowful for what happened. I love your friendship and I wish that those words had never escaped my mouth. There are a lot of things between us that I wish had not happened, but this is one that I am most sorry for.

I never meant to betray your trust, you are my best friend. One of the only people in this world that I truly trust.
I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I love you like a brother.

I have to believe that the burdens in my life have so much more to do with me than I have previously thought. With the way that my actions have recently affected the outcome of certain situations... there's no way it isn't the case.

I am dedicating myself to others, and making the world a better place.
Selflessness is the only policy.


Anything else ends tragically.

Passive agressive nature

It's so easy to let it overcome your ways when cynicism begins to take hold of you. It doesn't make you feel any better, but it sure as hell makes you feel like you're more in control.

I'm disgusted by myself when I let it take over me.
It's not fair to the others around me, I'm sorry if I am ever to lash out at you with any guilt trip or indirect backhanded comment... It's not right to do.

I pride myself on being the best person I can be to the best of my abilities, and I can't do that if I'm not trying to catch myself in my wrongdoings or mistakes. The only way to improve is to find out the extent of your mistakes and try and tame them.
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I feel my self respect on a decline, I'm trying to hold on to my morals as I go forward. But I can't help but feel, due to the nature of the attitude of the people around me and their results, that my methods are those of a second place competitor.
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I don't want to come in second, I want to win it all. That's what makes it so tempting to give into these urges to be that asshole that gets what he wants. And how am I to know if the ends justify the means if I have yet to put forth the other foot, and take that low road.

I don't want to do it, but I don't want to keep on going through life as a second class citizen.

Recognition

As I was photographing this sunset, I was trying to find the piece that made it profound. I was trying to discover what was so amazing about it to me, and capture that to show to everyone else.

But I couldn't figure it out.
So I just stopped for a minute, and instead of trying to collect an image, I just watched.
I watched as this beautiful sunset unfolded right in front of my eyes.
It was after a few minutes that I ended up snapping this shot, which ended up being my favorite frame from the entire endeavor.


My point is this, sometimes it is not only time that is needed, but a change in perspective. However it is that you can achieve that.

I'm in a rough patch again, but unlike before, I don't feel out of control. It is really a strange feeling to me. I feel like even though many things in my life are spiraling out of control, I still hold the wheel that guides my destiny.

I feel strong and I plan on making the most of it.